Obama's Face Being Placed On Mount Rushmore

I heard they were taking a 200 ton lump of coal to add Obama's face to the Mount Rushmore monument since he thinks he is one of the best presidents ever. They say they are using Coal because they couldn't find a turd that big!

The Talking Turd's Midas Touch

Everything he touches turns to crap. 

Nelson Mandela Monument

Check this out! The man only kicked the bucket 48 hours ago, and already they have a monument erected in his honor!

Little Johnny's Assignment

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher. 

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher. 

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes?", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." 

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth." 

Little Johnny got a high score for his assignment.